George W. Bush's spirited encounters

By Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, who apparently thinks Eddie Murphy is Richard Pryor

Recent headlines generated by Robert Draper's new book, "Dead Certain: The Presidency of George W. Bush," have dealt with Karl Rove's opposition to Dick Cheney's selection as vice president, the Mountain-Biker-in-Chief's exhaustion during a key Katrina briefing and his bouts of crying "on God's shoulders" as the Iraq war faltered.

A passage that hasn't garnered much attention -- but should have -- offers insight into the president's grasp on, um, ectoplasmic issues.

In 1992, when the president's father was running to keep his job as president, George W. Bush made regular use of the White House as a place of refuge from the responsibilities of the world -- a practice that continues to this day. This is how Mr. Draper tells it:

"On this particular evening, Poppy and Bar were away for the evening. For the first time in his life, Bush had the run of the White House. The Secret Service detail gave the president's son a few pointers on their way out the door. There's some security downstairs. And the steward's on call. Otherwise, he was on his own.

"Bush had the steward bring him an early dinner. He intended to catch a baseball game on the tube. But the emptiness of the third floor only jostled his preternatural restlessness, so he changed into his grubby attire and headed to the small exercise room in the southeast wing.

"Bush turned on the TV, mounted the stationary cycle, and proceeded to burn through the fidgets. Eventually he got tired of that as well. Sweating, he stepped out into the hallway in his T-shirt and gym shorts with a towel around his neck.

"The usher had turned out most of the lights. Bush took a few strides down the hallway and found his steps slowing. At the entryway to the Lincoln bedroom, he froze. What had he just seen? Something. No. Nothing. No!

"Ghosts. He saw ghosts -- coming out of the walls! Or were they portraits? Or ghosts coming out of the portraits? Rubber-legged, he retreated to his bedroom and shut the door." (Pages 87-88).

Bear in mind that by that time, the first son had already given up the demon rum and a host of other spirits.

It isn't likely that the future president's ability to "see" ghosts was the result of sneaking a tumbler or two of Scotch after a vigorous workout on the StairMaster, is it?

How would Scully of "The X-Files" explain the vividness of the future president's alleged paranormal experience?

As far as we know, George W. Bush only allowed himself to "get high" on life, Jesus and tax cuts for the rich after giving up boozing in his mid-40s.

Reading the passage, I'm struck by how nonchalant the future president was. He'd just witnessed something that defied all earthly and rational experience.

He admits that he was afraid, yet he was determined to go to his room after his workout. He "stayed the course" and continued in the direction of the ghosts he instinctively feared instead of altering his trajectory even a little.

I don't believe in ghosts, but if I did, I probably wouldn't have locked myself in a White House bedroom a few feet away after spotting spirits in the hall. I certainly wouldn't be able to sleep after such a frightening experience.

Given every ghost's ability to pass through walls and doors, getting the hell out of the White House would have been a perfectly acceptable Plan B. It would have been the most rational thing to do under the circumstances, in fact.

But as the late, great sociologist of comedy Richard Pryor brilliantly pointed out, it would never occur to some -- re: white folks -- to vacate a perfectly fine piece of real estate just because blood suddenly started running down the walls, mirrors started melting and disembodied voices began yelling "get out!"

Other than giving him a pair of "rubbery legs," nothing quite that dramatic happened to Mr. Bush during his close encounter with the ectoplasmic glimpse into the inner workings of his psyche, though. It makes you wonder whether Mr. Bush has seen any other ghosts during his seven years as president.

If a ghost had suddenly appeared to him in 2003 warning him to abandon his disastrous invasion of Iraq, would it have made a difference?

What would Mr. Bush do if the ghosts of the thousands of Iraqis who have died as a result of his decision to make war on their country suddenly, regularly marched single-file through the West Wing? Would he acknowledge the thunderous sound of their footsteps? Would the ghosts of Abu Ghraib cause him to blink?

What would Mr. Bush do if every glance in a White House mirror conjured the image of a dead American soldier? Would he return their dutiful salute, or would he feel compelled to close his eyes in shame?

It isn't likely Mr. Bush has "seen" any ghosts in the 15 years since a few materialized outside the Lincoln bedroom. It isn't likely he's ever spent another night alone in the White House, either.

It could be argued that Mr. Bush's actions as president have done more than any recent president's to create ghosts. Maybe George W. Bush can't be haunted anymore because the ghosts are more afraid of him than he is of them.

Tony Norman can be reached at tnorman@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1631.