tonyrussell's blog

Childhood joke: What kind of keys can’t open a door?
Answer: Donkeys.

* * * *

“Channel 16 continues its election night coverage. Results are pouring in now that the polls have closed around the country. We take you now to Washington, DC, where Channel 16‘s Scott Wamsley is live at Democratic headquarters. Scott, what’s the mood there?”

“Erin, people have been gathered around the television, watching as results are announced from state after state. Excitement began to build early on, when it became apparent that Democrats were likely to lose the House, and champagne corks began popping once it became clear that Democratic losses are going to reach historic proportions. They may be able to lose the Senate as well, but right now several of those races are too close to call.”

“Is this what people there were expecting, Scott?”

Of Principalities and Powers ~ “War? What War?”

If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again
be any war. 

Pentagon official explaining why the U.S. military
censored graphic footage from the Gulf War

* * * *

“Ace! Bob’s on the phone!” called Patty.

Bob didn’t waste any time. “Ace!” he barked out. “Get over to the courthouse right now. There are half a dozen people down there carrying anti-war signs. It’s the biggest peace protest here in years, and I want you to get some pictures and interview them before they get too cold and head home.”

“I’m on it, Chief,” I assured him, then grabbed my coat and headed out the door.

One of my neighbors, Uncle Whitt, was just walking past the house, dragging his rat terrier Roscoe, who--as usual--was doing his best to lift his leg at every tree, bush, hydrant, gate, and signpost they passed.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


Radio ad: Congressional Candy Company Commences Clearance Campaign


Directions: Read breathlessly, just below shouting pitch.

* * * *

Midterm elections are only days away, and the Congressional Candy Company is staging a once-in-a-lifetime sales event! Members locked in tight races as well as those trailing badly in the polls have joined together to bring you this unprecedented clearance sale! Prices will never be lower! Pay just pennies on the dollar! Take advantage of these gigantic savings now!

Prices have been slashed to the bone on items such as:

· Sugar and tobacco subsidies!
· Highway construction funds!
· Timbering, drilling, and mining permits in national parks and forests!
· Tax breaks for your firm or industry!
· Grazing rights on range land!
· Water diversion for irrigation, development, and industrial expansion!
· Oil drilling in pristine areas and wildlife refuges!
· Defense contracts!

Writer’s Note:

In the aftermath of Glenn Beck’s Washington rally, I’ve drawn a picture of what “restoring honor” in this country might actually mean, using the example of Colin Powell. The column, as harsh as it may seem, isn’t intended to sit in judgment of Powell; that’s a matter between him and his Maker. What he did, however, was public, and the consequences likewise. Moreover, Powell admitted, in a 2005 interview with Barbara Walters, that his performance at the UN was a “blot” on his record, adding that “It was painful. It’s painful now.” Clearly, the enormity of the wrong he committed was far more than a “blot,” and it had far greater consequences than marring his personnel record.

As soon as Janet stepped through the kitchen door, she could hear the sound of crying--deep, gasping, soul-wrenching sobs. “Oh no,” she sighed to herself. “Not again.”

She put the tea kettle on and then walked over to put her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “Brenda, honey, what is it? What’s wrong?”

Brenda kept her head bent, tears pouring down her cheeks, as she stared at the kitchen table. “It’s Barry,” she finally managed to choke out. “He and his friends are saying the meanest things about me.”

“What kind of things, Brenda?”

Brenda had temporarily brought her crying under control. “He accused me of being unfaithful. He said I didn’t really love him, that I didn’t understand all the things he has to struggle with. He acted as if I was stupid and ungrateful!” And she burst into a new round of tears.

Angry on her friend’s behalf, Janet said, “What’s the matter with him? Why is he saying those things?”